Rooms
by Kitade Death
Summary: Back then I was fourteen. What did I know about the world? Not much, I would say. Eighteen years later, it wasn't as if anything particularly changed.


Hell~o minna-san! I'm very tired right now... NO, not tired writing. My exams are slowly but surely killing me.

I somehow came up with this... It's something like a "mirror story" to The Shark...

Enjoy!

* * *

Rooms

14

Back then I was fourteen. What did I know about the world? Not much, I would say. Not like I did really care.

I had to attend school like every little boys – to only skip before the second course. Fuck that was boring! Those stupid morons I used to call my schoolmates were simply mind-numbing, like hell. Every little one living their little, shitty existence; all miserable and wearisome. I still can't understand how they could put up with that disgusting humdrum routine they called their life.

My own was revolving around only one thing: the sword. _That_ only could bring up an ounce of adrenaline in me. The battle thrill, that freezing in your back, and the numbness that takes your brain, not leaving you until you're done… you've no idea how much every one of those details can make me feel fucking alive. Fighting against strong opponents was the only way for me to feel _it_.

I chased them, I hunted them down, defied them, thrashed them, one by one… And what was the best way to do it apart from the sword? The sword is from far away the most stylish weapon. The sharp edge, the lightness of it, and most particularly the fact that you have to face your foe – mixing your own survival with them, sensing to the bitter end of their life. You really can't have the slightest idea of the stir in my guts when I'm on it.

But some day, someone overturned all of this. That guy brought in my horizon his black, spiky hair, those dark and bloody and wrathful eyes. And I got stuck.

He was called Xanxus.

Xanxus was the sixteen year old heir of the most powerful famiglia in Sicilia, the Vongola. A spoiled, violent brat with a gloomy aura lingering on him. The kind of guy with whom you never want to have problems; and the best was that we were in the same school.

So he came, not exactly to me, but to some dim-witted brat who dared look askance at him. I don't know what had become of the poor boy after that. What I last saw of him was something akin to a charred trunk burning in an oh-so beautifully red inferno. Sparks still were glowing on Xanxus' hand seconds after. And that bastard was smiling. He was fucking _smiling_. Not a kind or even sad smile for the human being he had probably burnt to death. No, the smile was warped, wicked, vicious…

It ticked my twisted sense of beauty.

Not once in my life I've known someone like Xanxus. I couldn't help but being fascinated with his entire person. How was it even possible? I've never cared about something else but my swordsmanship, killing any other fencers on my way, and improving my skills. For the first time in my life, I was interested in something that had nothing to do with me.

I decided to approach him. Don't ask me why. I just had… you know, like some urge to be near him. After all, it couldn't hinder my fights, and he looked like a good fighter himself. The weirdest thing was that he let me come near. Well, it didn't bother me, too, so everything was okay. Yet let me tell you this:

In my young years I've killed many people. I can name exactly 34 points where to cut into the flesh to kill easily a professional wrestler. Fencing, assassination, and to a certain extent surgery, they had no secret for me. I went through shits and shits, and somehow got to keep myself to a certain level of good sense. But just as I said before, I didn't know much about the world. That included fashion, the newest PC games, celebrities' gossips… and also sex.

For me it was just an alien thing, something livings need to do in order to continue existing, and nothing more. I could fully live without. Add to this the all religious shit in one of the most pious place on Earth, the "will burn forever in Hell" and other stuff: at that time I lived in a lifesize convent, all libido suppressed to nil; your hormones just have to shut up.

That day it became different.

I went to Xanxus' home, the Vongola's mansion. It wasn't a new thing for me, many times before I had come to his house. The butler told me that the young Master still was sleeping, and that I had to wait in the living-room. It annoyed me. Who the hell was I to wait for him like a dog? I ran to his bedroom, seriously ready to wake the moron up. It was funny that we managed to reach that level of friendship – it only means that I could barge in his room while the dark haired boy was resting with no fear of being scorched to death.

I kicked the bedroom's door open. In the half-light, I could indeed peek on Xanxus' form moving in the gigantic bed.

'Voooi! You stupid shithead.' I yelled from the door. 'Why the fuck are you still sleeping in mid-afternoon? Hangover or…'

Then I silenced when I noticed that Xanxus' movements were quite strange for someone who was sleeping. Also there was someone else beneath him, and that someone was whimpering in an odd way, entangling her limbs with the other boy's.

It took me maybe ten seconds to analyze the situation (I told you I was quite a retarded back then when it came to that kind of things). I jawslacked. A glare from the raven behind his shoulder made me redden like a tomato and run out of the room, slamming the door behind me.

If only I had had enough common sense at that moment, I would have come back in the living. Or come back home. Too bad that it hadn't been the case: I only crouched right next the door, face hidden behind folded arms to hide the blush on my face.

Maybe a quarter of an hour later a woman came out from Xanxus' bedroom. She was tall and beautiful, just like a model.

'See ya next time, Xanxus darling!' She smiled back at the door and left without even noticing that I was there. Seconds after the raven appeared, his naked torso gleaming with sweat. He seemed to look for something, then finding me sitting down, he laughed. I blushed even harder.

'What the fuck are you doing, scum?' He barked. 'For a fucking loud trash you're pretty shy.'

'Vooi! S-shut up, you blockhead! It's your fault for telling people that you're just sleeping… So I thought…'

'Stupid piece of junk...' He pulled me harshly from the ground before crushing me against the wall, smirking like hell.

Before, I'd never noticed he was that tall. Damn. We were so close that I could smell his skin's musk. It was a rapturous scent, manly and overwhelming – maybe more intensified by his previous love session. That was disturbing me; it was as if my brain couldn't work normally because of it. I awkwardly averted my eyes from his half-unzipped fly.

Fuck. Why did everything have to become like that? It was fucking embarrassing damnit!

'Wha-what?' I stuttered. 'If you've nothing to tell me j-'

'You're still a virgin? You've never get laid?' Xanxus grinned wider. 'Fucking lame.'

'Shut it! It has nothing to do with you!' I yelled at the damn freak with the little confidence I could find in me, at the same time trying to push him away. 'Whether I've done it or not…'

'Huh? So I was right.' Xanxus' crimson eyes started shining with lust. I felt even more uncomfortable, plus his scent which was more and more troubling me. Something weird began to wriggle in my stomach. It somehow reminded me of the stage fright just before a fight, but in another way; in some way a lot more… strange.

'And what if? Get off! I'm leav-'

'Do you want me to do you?'

That question came like a slap. _What. The. Fuck. Did. That. Guy. Say_? If it was a joke, it wasn't funny. And the sadistic face the raven was putting didn't help a lot. And yet, hearing those words, the flurry in me did all but settle down. Holy shit, how can only having that asshole near me cause all that trouble? I tried my best to keep myself composed.

'Voooi! Stop blabbering shitty things. I'm not some damn whore of yours!'

Stop that fucking teasing. It makes me think about stupid things.

'Aa' His face came closer. Crap if that wasn't upsetting me. 'With that fucking face you're making you're nothing different from those bitches.'

I glared at him. In addition to the goddamn sexual harassment now he had to compare me to a shitty whore?

'Voi. Stop it, I said. Just call for some sluts if that one wasn't enough, and leave the fuck of me alone!' I shouted and slipped as quickly as I could from beneath the raven. Fortunately he made no move to stop me; otherwise I would have never escaped that easily.

As I was crossing through the hallway, Xanxus' words kept on whirling in my mind. They were annoying me, distracting me from the way I was taking. The shittiest fact of it was that I was actually pondering about whether the red eyed boy was serious or not. I shook my head. Of course he wasn't. And even if he was, I would have never… I wasn't like _that_… I mean… I wasn't into men… And wasn't that weird? Normally you should do that with the one you love, or at least with a woman…

_But if it was Xanxus?_ A voice whispered in me.

'Shiiit.' I cursed once out of the mansion. It was only then that I noticed the bulge in my pants.

And this is how I made my first step into the wonderfully pathetic world of puberty's repressed desires.

* * *

22

'Aan… not that fast! Damn…' I moaned against my pillow and turned back to look at the raven behind me. Xanxus was smirking nastily, pleased as he was to see his most loyal man kneeling in front of him, ass up in the air for his only delight to see.

Violently, he turned me over, making me facing him plainly, and then parted my thighs open. The bed creaked under us. Xanxus' stare was trailing on my all body, from the silvery mane spreading everywhere on the sheets to my half-unclothed torso, my legs wide open in front of him.

It still was pretty awkward for me, to stay in such position before the tanned man. I mean we've had sex many times, however, feeling the raven's eyes sticking … Hum… _There_ wasn't something I would get used easily.

'Che. Voi, stop staring and fucking do it already.' Blood raised on my face.

'Don't tell me what I gotta do, you shitface.' He leered.

Fuck that damn asshole. Why did he always have to be that harsh? It's not as if I was going to run away… And how could I possibly do that? He had me pinned under him!

Xanxus moved to lie between my thighs, after that bit on a stiff nipple. I groaned louder.

'Stop whining for every shit, scum.' He grunted, before totally pulling my pants off.

Sometimes, it still got me dumbfounded, how things did evolved in this way: Xanxus and me fucking like this in my bedroom, almost every day for several months now. I don't know what happened to the raven for him to suddenly show me _that_ kind of attention. I've seriously never thought of him saying to me one day: "Dude, I want to get in your pants." Or shit. But it didn't bother me, quite the contrary. Xanxus was (and still _is_) a bloody dickhead, in the full sense of the word. But holy shit if he wasn't the best bed partner one could wish to have. The way the dark-haired man puts me to my last limits, the way he maddens me with his tongue and fingers only, that sensation of complete lack of control I feel whenever he moves in me… Only thinking about that was enough for me to long for more.

'Mm… Ah!... Xanxus! Quit on… teasing… please! Aa!'

His lube-coated fingers were stretching my inside, readying the hot muscles. The feeling was delightful, but I needed more…

'Shut up.' The scarred man frowned deeply. 'You're still too fucking tight. Relax, goddamnit!'

He plunged deeper and, _shit_! I felt it. That sweet spot the raven was hitting.

'Xa- Aan… Ngh!' My back arched. At that instant my mind was blank, void of all rational thought. I reached for the pillow and rested my legs on the black-haired man's waist for support. Sweat was already covering my all body for the heat in the closed room. Not a single noise to disturb that wonderful moment, only my moaning, the bed creaking, and that lewd sound of massaged wet flesh, amplified by the scent of sex and luxury alcohol (the ones who are persuaded that alcohol decreases ability, take a bottle of Bourbon and go fuck yourself).

That only was enough to make me come. So I did, a shiver going through my all body, screaming Xanxus' name in the process as I climaxed all over my stomach. It took me time to find my breath. I was watching through half-lidded eyes the raven coming closer. Our faces were inches apart. I couldn't quite understand what he was up to do, until I felt his lips reclaiming my mouth. I obediently let the Boss' tongue sliding between my parted lips, stroking my mouth to ecstasy.

That too was something I simply couldn't get. Xanxus, always so cruel and brutal toward everything, would from time to time show that kind of gentleness. Well, that wasn't, if truth to be told, literal gentleness: his kisses were always forceful and aggressive, but at the same time passionate, a real trap of infatuation. They would take me so high, leaving me lightheaded, dazed from that painful softness.

If only my brain couldn't get back to duty after, it would have been great. Because at time like that, when consciousness slowly but surely comes back to me, whilst I'm locking my arms behind the raven's back, I wonder.

_"I'm only a pastime." "Sooner or later he would grow fed up of me."_

At first I didn't actually give a damn. In the end, we were both grown-ass men, none of us was going to rattle about feelings and shit. The sex was fantastic, that was enough.

That should have been enough.

Fuck all that love thing. Me or anyone else, that didn't matter for him; I knew that perfectly. The same thing was applicable for me too. Should have been. The real problem was that I didn't want to: it wasn't like I did give a shit about the first one or fucking love crap. For me, Xanxus was Xanxus. He wasn't a man you can replace that easily – and with no regard to the fact that the bastard was a pigheaded possessive asshole.

The real problem was that I grew attached to that possessive fucker. I loved how he would look intently at me as, in one hard thrust bury himself deep inside me, ignoring the fact that I could break beneath him. I loved that whenever he would strike absentmindedly at my hair, at my face or whatever part of my body in a scarce moment of care. Those sensations, I crave for them: the sensation of our sweaty skins sticking to each other, Xanxus' low grunts in my ear, his hard grip on my hips as he's moving hard against me, and also this and that… That yearning had since long gone past beyond a carnal matter (for me).

The real problem was that I loved Xanxus, I needed that fucktard of a Boss, and that I was just too idiot to admit it.

That's simply why that appearance of care was like a merciless stab in my chest. The first and last love in my life and I was gonna succeed in it with deceits, even if at last I was just a very unskillful person.

He pulled his fingers out. They were so slick with the lube and my own cum that they came out effortlessly. The raven unzipped his pants, revealing his hot swollen flesh to sight. Fuck, I've been waiting for that.

'Voi… I'm… Mmm' He licked on my neck to hush me and, with no further warning, sheathed himself inside me. 'Aa! Ngh… Ah!'

Even for my prepared hole, the raven's gigantic size still was a bit too…

'Fuck…' Seems that he encountered the same problem.

Nonetheless, I arched toward him to take him further, ignoring the previous pain and tightening my legs' grip on my Boss' hips. His arousal was throbbing painfully in me. Xanxus brought my knees up to accommodate him, before starting to rock inside me over and over.

'Mn… Xanxus… Ah! Xan-… Fuck!'

I was in raptures. Each one of his thrust was filling me, so good and deliciously. His hard shaft was massaging my walls, eliciting waves of electricity to go over my euphoric-self.

That's Xanxus. You hardly see him off of his throne, not sleeping or engulfing litters of Tequila, eating, swearing or throwing shit at people's (_my_) head. But when he's on something, he's doing it with the same passion as he's doing the previous actions. Xanxus is doing it great.

'Trash shark. You're fucking hot.' He grunted and slightly lifted my hips up. Vooi. What could I answer to that? My mind was already wandering in other countries, countries of lust and bliss. I couldn't lie still; I was twisting in his arms, wriggling, undulating against him. Beyond my teary eyes I could glance at the scarred man who was increasing his speed, it was already fast and frantic. I blushed when I saw the connection between our body, his throbbing manhood wet with a mixture of oil and precum, going in and out, in and out of me.

Xanxus was looking at me.

'Yes! Ah! Good… Xanxus… So good…More!...' I panted wildly.

Oh I could have died peacefully in moments like that. That was at least one of the rare happiness in my shitty life. Happy… I could say that I was. I was pleased, yet I feared. I knew that once he would be done, he would drily pull out and leave me there, all alone in my room. Once more, I would be left there, in dirtied sheets and the scent of another male on me.

"_If only_" I thought "_If only things could stay like this, if only time could let me relish those fast delights_." Once more I would curse myself for being too weak. But still I'm begging some time. Still I'm begging for something that would never be mine. Ever.

Damn me.

Soon I felt the same stirring impression as before, but increased tenfold. Xanxus was near, too, as I could say from his more frantic movements; the feeling of him doing so inside me pushed me over the edge. With two more thrusts, two more hits on my prostate, we both released; me spilling white and sticky liquid on our chests and abs, him filling me to the hilt.

'Aaah! Xanxus!' I screamed as he was riding the last waves of our pleasurable agony.

We rested, motionless and quiet, for some time. I was in spite of everything clenching weakly on the raven's wide shoulders, as an unspoken sentence for him not to go. Maybe it wasn't comprehensible enough because one minute after he withdrew. Retreating his organ made Xanxus' load spurt from my abused puckered ring. I could clearly feel it overflow on my ass cheeks. Nevertheless we were only doing it in my bedroom so that he wouldn't have to bother with the formalities of seeing my face when he would wake up in the morning – mostly because he would always pound my ass too hard that I barely can walk the next morning.

'Ah...' I slowly whispered, equally with unease and disappointment. Xanxus buttoned his pants and rose from the bed. 'A- Wait!...'

But maybe, the fact that I still was keeping some hope was only in order for me not to lose it. Retrospectively, that was pretty ironical that I, the Sword Emperor, the one who used to live only with the unique aim of fulfill my own desires, I was reduced to such a state. A fucking puppet waiting for his master to show him some kind of affection. That shithead got me perfectly trained.

The raven already had one hand on the doorknob when he looked back, glowering. 'What, trash? Make it short, I don't have time to deal with your shitty problems.'

"_Fucking bastard_." I bit at my lip. "_Don't fucking leave yet, damnit._"

The one who was in the lead was Xanxus; I myself had only been a toy for him. Nothing more, nothing less. That was what I was thinking, apprehensive, while watching at those wrathful eyes looking at me with regained disdain. Finally, exceeded, I pulled a sheet to cover my nakedness. Strangely after we were done, I had some scruple to let the scarred man see me bare skin.

'Voi. Nothing. Goodnight.'

He got out.

"_Too weak_." I kept on saying to myself. Then, after watching at the clock (3a.m.) I closed my eyes.

'Stupid Boss.' I muttered before starting to slumber. Still that fucking, bloody scent of his lingering in my room one more night.

* * *

32

What time was it? 11? Midnight? Or 2? How ridiculous. I wasn't his mother, Xanxus could take care of himself. It wasn't even a mission, only a meeting with another famiglia – though a rival famiglia. But again my left stump didn't hurt, so somehow it reassured me.

You may think that I was over-worrying. Voooi, feel free, you trash!

I shifted in the silky sheets. I hadn't been able to sleep; yet the bed was welcoming. Maybe it was because of Xanxus always sleeping in, but it was emitting some king of warmth that only he can send out. I pulled his pillow to me and smiled. It smelled his shampoo.

I don't like having free time with nothing to do. Usually, I always have paperwork to do, missions to plan, brats and other idiotic good-for-nothing underlings to yell at, in parallel with bringing his meal and booze to the Boss. Actually I've almost no time to think about myself. It left me with those nights of insomnia when said Boss was out on some fucking mission, letting me wait for him in his king-sized bed like a good dog, or a good wife – oh, call me what you like, like I care.

Fucking long hours of agonizing wait.

Why couldn't I sleep? The silence was simply intoxicating me, still alone in that place that would remind too much of the raven.

Xanxus _is_ strong. The strongest man I've ever encountered in my life. This is and will stay an unchanged truth. But in the same time, Xanxus is also human, and humans at some point break and die. I didn't want to think about that. Every time I closed my eyes, shapeless forms would show up. They would more and more become understandable; but what I saw then wasn't a cheery scene at all. That's why I would always stay awake until I got the confirmation of the raven's well-being, until I saw it with my own eyes. That was the same as a hellish maze, not having an end: a loop of a vicious circle – my own terror.

That's fussy, I know.

Thinking that someday he wouldn't be there anymore, that someday I won't be able to witness his flaming rage anymore; it scares me, to no hell. Whatever may come to me, I don't care. Xanxus is different. More than my life, more than my entire existence, he's shining above all of it. Dying on him is only one clause of the one-sided contract I signed when I decided to follow him. Ha. I can even imagine how it would look like: me sprawling ungracefully in the mud, all my guts out and blood pouring fucking everywhere, and that damn asshole laughing at me like a madman. Yet it doesn't perturb me; I've never planned on outliving him, and the vicious mockery is a daily routine. Something must be really wrong with me. I'm sure that getting things crashed against my head continually, in a way or another short-circuited my neurons, doing something like a brainwash or shit.

Hence I was waiting. I was waiting and I feared. Sure that if Xanxus heard about that, he would repudiate me as if he has never known me before. That, too, I could accept it.

'Voooi… That's stupid.' Why in the first place was I having such a discussion with myself? That's annoying.

I shifted once more. What was indeed stupid was to stay in Xanxus' illogically immense bedroom when he wasn't there. It has a sense of loneliness one can't easily overcome alone. I was sleeping there only because the owner insisted, stubborn as he was. At the beginning, the all thing of sleeping in the same room had been utterly creepy for me. With time though, I got used to it.

I was on the brink of seeing another of those unwelcomed nightmares when I heard the door open and close.

'Xanxus!' I sat as quickly as I could; but what my eyes set on left me agape: blood, fresh blood staining the Mafia Boss' shirt. 'Voi! What happened? You're injured! Finally it's them...'

'Shut it, dumb trash. Your voice's annoying.' Xanxus growled deeply whilst walking to the bed. He simply threw the dirty garment away before slumping into the bed, his back turning to me. 'How could those useless scums even touch me? Of course the blood is some fucktwit's I've killed in my way…'

That was true. Xanxus didn't seem hurt anywhere. I suppressed a sigh of relieve.

'Oh. If that's how is it, then it's okay.' I laid down again, but contrary to him, I was facing him; or more accurately I was facing his back.

Xanxus was back; still I could feel that insecurity in me: all those scars. They were dancing on the raven's bare back, marring his tanned skin. Remembering how he got them wasn't a cheerful amusement either. I unconsciously reached at him – that's true, the raven would never forgive me for groping him casually – and trailed my hands on the imprecise schema. "I wonder if they hurt him." I asked myself. I had once asked that to the scarred man, years ago, he only shrugged and told me to mind my own business.

Slowly, I rested my head against Xanxus' broad back and remained like this, enjoying at last the happiness of seeing him safe and sound. It looks like I hadn't been silent enough, since Xanxus suddenly turned back and pinned my hand on the mattress.

'You piece of scum. You can't keep your fucking hands to your fucking side?' He glared dangerously at me.

'Huh. I'm just glad that you're alive, voi.' I smirked. 'What's wrong with that?'

'I can't sleep. I'm fucking tired now, trash.'

But in the same time he was saying that, he was also leaning down on me, leisurely unbuttoning my shirt.

'You'll survive, won't you?' I smirked wider when he started pinching my nipples. 'You've seen worse.'

The fact that I was in a good or a bad mood for fucking has never been a matter – nor for Xanxus: he was always in a good mood. In any case he'd been through years of forced abstinence, none can blame him.

I wanted to ascertain this, that Xanxus was truly there, alive, that I still could feel him, touch him. Nothing else mattered apart from that. That was at least what I can admit about death; that it's giving to sex its true climax.

'Ngh… Yaa… Don't… you'll make them… swell…' I whined as Xanxus licked at the pinky nubs.

'So what? Don't play your fucking whore if you can't handle it to the end.' He stopped his moves and raised to look at me.

Through the years his look had somehow changed. It had something of the rich, spoiled brat I knew in my teens, of the fierce and ruthless Varia Boss released after years of imprisonment; and in the same time they were rather far of the Xanxus I was facing. That one was… How could I say that… A little more adult one? Yes, the idea of a mature Xanxus was laughable to the bone; but it's the closest word to define him at the moment.

That's right. His appearance changed (okay, he grew his hair; so one can guess he _did_ give a fuck about his look). But he remained the same bastard throwing shits at me, annoying me for his damn meat… the same bastard who could give me that bloody thrill only with one glance, bringing me to the edge of my limits, whether it was in a battlefield or in bed…

'Stupid shark. What are you thinking about?' He said after some time. Mm? Did I space out?

'Who knows?' I smiled in the softest way I could. 'Perhaps I should show gratitude to someone up there. Thanks to them I still can have the great pleasure of hearing you cursing at me.'

'Huh. Trashy shark.' He bent forward down and kissed me – his usually hungry, sensual kiss. Seconds later we parted from each others. A trail of saliva only still was connecting us.

'Who's tired now?' I grinned between two pants. He didn't reply. Red orbs traced a slow pattern on my naked flesh, staring at each square centimeter of it, before pausing on my chest. There the glare was excruciating. I knew there was nothing to see anymore at that place. The scar had disappeared since long, and I was pretty thankful for it: I didn't like the glow in the raven's eyes whenever they were resting on that particular spot.

'Voi. Xanxus?...' I intertwined my hands behind his head and brought him back to look at my face. 'I'm all right, now.'

This drew out a wicked smirk from the Mafia Boss. 'Aa? Who would care for a trash like you? You can die whenever you want, I'll even help you.'

'I know.'

We kissed once more.

Naa. Praying didn't suit people like us. God itself was nothing more but a ghost created by our fears and pains. All I have to do is to prevent mines to become reality.

That's all.

* * *

So ... The end?...

The continuation of my stories will be coming, of course. This one was only a stress-venting.

Was Squalo too OOC at the end? When I wrote it I didn't notice, but when I re-read it though... Maaa review please!


End file.
